Lies & Manipulations
Yves Alexandre Thalmann – Picture: Liguria 2015
The human is not good at detecting lies, but is expert in the art of lying!
Of course, we also lie and manipulate, but always for a good reason!
- We all lie: we hide the truth, we arrange it at our convenience, while remaining convinced that it is neither serious nor reprehensible because our intention is not to harm. We are deeply convinced that our deviations from the truth are justified, so much so that we do not regard them as lies.
- We like to believe that lying is the opposite of truth (True or False). Such a dichotomy ignores the complexity of the human psyche. A word can simultaneously contain truthful, misleading elements, true components. Who holds the truth?
It is by learning to speak that the child experiences the lie. Strange as it may seem, intimacy is built through lies, ie the ability to silence certain information or to distort it.
The manipulations are often sincere. Do not confuse sincerity with integrity. We can manipulate ourselves, convincing ourselves with toxic beliefs, justifying ourselves in our eyes. It is this self-manipulation, often called sincerity, that triggers the most damage.
Another more pernicious process is the fear of hurting, the fear of creating sadness. We want to spare the other, protect him.
A 2004 survey reveals that 19 out of 20 women lie to their husbands (and vice versa?), 50% would lie if they got pregnant with another man, 50% simulate orgasms, 19% say they cheated on their husbands. “I love you” is the 10th most common lie. Do not hit, do not hurt? and make life sweeter!
- Every lie is not deception
- Trust becomes where certainty is absent, it goes hand in hand with doubt. Trust has to be won, can be withdrawn but is always vigilant and cautious.
- To detect the lie? the key question is “Are you sure about benefit and consequences – is the game worth the candle“?