Social Intelligence

Daniel Goleman – Picture: Monaco 2007 –

Neuroscience: did you know that …

Resonance: A different category of brain cells, the mirror neurons, perceive in another person as well the gesture that she is about to make, as her feelings, and they prepare instantly to imitate his gesture and to feel what he feels .

When a woman finds an attractive man (and vice versa), her brain generates dopamine (so called hormone of pleasure) if the man directs his gaze towards her, but not when he looks elsewhere.

The existence of a link between a stressful relationship and outbreaks of stress hormones so violent that they damage some of the genes controlling the cells of the immune system.

Our social interactions even play a role in the reorganization of our brain by “neuroplasticity”. These discoveries reveal that our relationships have a subtle but powerful and lasting impact on us, and evidence of remedial possibilities.

Sympathy, synchrony, internal chronometer (rhythmic and synchronic fluidity), protoconversation (nonverbal).

The use of memes (ideas which are communicated from brain to brain, much like emotions) by Kanye West. Ideas with impact like democracy, respect for the environment, …. Memes derive their power from the low road, through their association with emotions.

The ultra-fast low road (limbic) and the high road (rational cortex)

Social intelligence is divided into social sensitivity (perception) and social competence (use of this sensitivity).

Social sensitivity: primary empathy (identification), listening (attention), empathic finesses (understanding of others), social cognition (social understanding)

Social competence: synchrony, self-presentation, influence, care (needs of others)

Dyssemia: Inability to read nonverbal messages. The dyssemic child will, for example, stand too close to the person speaking to him, not look at her, lack tact and be insensitive to the feelings of others.

The Japanese word amae designates this sensibility, this immediately felt empathy, and the acts it determines, without drawing attention to it.

Out of the 200 facial muscles, those around the eyes are particularly apt at expressing feelings.

The secret is not to avoid the frustrations and quarrels that are inevitable, but to learn how to recover. The faster the recovery, the greater the ability to rejoice.

The way couples resolve their differences helps to predict how their children will behave, even years later.

Happiness is based on resilience, the ability to overcome upheavals and return to a calmer state. There seems to be a direct link between stress resistance and capacity to happiness.

When attachment is mixed with solicitude and sexual attraction, romantic love can be born. But when one of the 3 ingredients is missing, there is no love. Many circuits of love pass by the low road. The basics of love have always been subcortical, although its realization may require much thought.

Neuroscience adds that attachment, solicitude and sexual desire are just 3 of the 7 major neural systems that control our will and actions. Exploration (including learning the world) and creating social bonds are two others. Each individual establishes his own hierarchy between these systems according to his temperament. But love, attachment, dedication and sexuality are always at the top of the list, in one order or another. (J Panksepp, Affective Neuroscience: The Foundation of Human and Animal Emotion (New York: Oxford Unversity Press, 1998)

Toxic relationships are as important (as risk factor) as smoking, high blood pressure or cholesterol, obesity and physical inactivity.

Relationships occur in two ways: either they cushion the effects of the disease, or they intensify the ravages of age and disease. (Attachment, Caregiving and Altruism: Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (2005))

The contact of the skin is particularly soothing because it releases oxytocin, like heat and vibrations (massage, hug, ..).

The stronger the anxiety, the lower the cognitive efficiency of the brain. The space available for attention is reduced, which undermines our ability to acquire new information …